WHEEL OF FORTUNE!
by FishhFinn
Summary: Title is self explanatory. I think.


_This is... let's just say... a **tad** random. Yeah, it slays off Wheel of Fortune, and they never actually finish the game. But anyways... this is the resulting story of too much free time and too many chocolate Hershey kisses._

**HARRY POTTER WHEEL OF FORTUNE**

**ANNOUNCER**: It's time for…

**AUDIENCE**: Wheel. Of. Fortune!

**ANNOUNCER**: And now, our favorite people, Pat Sajak and Vanna White!

**AUDIENCE**: -Applause-

**PAT**: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. This is the first day of our "Friends Week". Our first toss-up of the night, a thousand dollars on the line. Category, Title.

**VANNA**: -Starts the toss-up-

(After 5 minutes, the whole message has appeared)

**PAT**: Oh, come on already.

**HERMIONE**: Oh! We don't know how to use these buzzer things!

**PAT**: All you have to do is press the button. I don't think it's that hard!

**HERMIONE**: -Presses the button over and over-

**PAT**: Yes, Hermione…

**HERMIONE**: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!

**PAT**: That's right!

**HERMIONE**: OMG I JUST WON A THOUSAND DOLLARS! HARRY WE JUST WON A THOUSAND DOLLARS! –Hugs Harry. Harry gets compressed into a figure 2 inches wide-

**HERMIONE**: Oh, sorry… -turns him back-

**PAT**: Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, from Britain. Says here that you guys like fighting evil crimes. Is that fun?

**HERMIONE**: Yes, but I'd rather be doing homework and such…

**HARRY**: It's only fun because you almost die every time. You see, we've poked wands into trolls' noses, we've taken on a three-headed dog, and we've held on all the way through Professor Snape's Potions class.

**AUDIENCE**: Ooooh, how impressive!  
**PAT**: -Walks over to Draco and Snape- Draco Malfoy and Serveus Snape. Nice to have you on the show. Draco, tell us what you do in your free time.

**DRACO**: -Excitedly- I like eating chocolate frogs, but if I eat too much then I get this chocolate wart on my finger, so I be careful. My hobbies include insulting Potter, Mudbloods, doing synchronized diving lessons with Professor here, and learning to break-dance. I also like puppies.

**PAT**: Oh, that's good. Synchronized diving, huh? –Moves on to Voldemort and Dumbledore-

**SNAPE**: Hey, what about me? Don't I get to say anything? –Pat keeps walking- IF YOU IGNORE ME, WE SHALL HAVE TO SWING DANCE!

**PAT**: Lord Moldy-wart and Professor Dumb-door. Moldy, what do you like to do in your free time?

**HARRY**: Dumbledore, why are you on a team with Voldemort?

**DUMBLEDORE**: Because he is going to pay me a hundred galleons and swore on his head that he wouldn't kill me. Plus I have nothing else to do on a Sunday.

**HARRY**: Oh. I forgive you then. Professor I think it's Tuesday.

**VOLDEMORT**: I like to kill people, eat cake, and draw pictures of rainbows.

**PAT**: Well those are definitely some good hobbies. What about you, Professor?

**DUMBLEDORE**: In my spare time, I usually lay back on the couch and watch cartoons for hours at a time. I especially like that cartoon with the dragons and the two kids, hey, did you see the episode where the two kids got themselves… (he rambles on about the Dragon's Tale episode)

**PAT**: Well, good to have you on the show. Alright another toss-up, two thousand dollars. Category is 'Proper Name'.

**VANNA**: -starts toss-up-

**VOLDEMORT**: -rings- (Right now the board says THE MITY LO MOLDY-ART) The Almighty Lord Moldy-wart! –Looks proud of himself-

AUDIENCE: -Applause-

**PETER PEDIGREW**: -From audience- Yeah, Master! I love you! Take me as your lawfully wedded wife! We can go to some exotic island and get married and buy a boat!

**LUCIUS MALFOY**: No, he's _mine_! –tackles Peter to the ground, then gets up- We will fight like sophisticated men- scavenger hunt!

**VOLDEMORT**: Sorry, Pat. The insane kids just got their memory removed and now they thinks they're girls.

**PAT**: No problem. The category is Thing. And it's a prize puzzle. Spin the wheel, Moldy-wart and Dumb-door.

**DUMBLEDORE**: -Spins the wheel- Come on, big money. –Jumps up and down and starts clapping-

(Wheel lands on 300)

**VOLDEMORT**: An 'S'!

**PAT**: Yes, three S's.

(The puzzle now says: S'S S)

**DUMBLEDORE**: You can spin now, Voldy.

**VOLDEMORT**: -spins wheel- Come on, big money!

(Wheel lands on 'Lose a Turn')

**PAT**: Oh, no.

**VOLDEMORT**: Why? –Starts sobbing- Why me? Why is it always me? First, Potter like kills me, according to what the Harry Potter series says, then, Potter kills Quirrell in the first book, Potter saved the Chamber of Secrets from the past me in the second book, and I got brought to life again in the 4th book, oh and I thank you JK Rowling for doing that, BUT DO I KILL HARRY? NO! SHE MADE HIM LIVE AGAIN! –Sobs uncontrollably-

**DUMBLEDORE**: It's okay, Voldy. I'm here for you.

**VOLDEMORT**: -blows nose on Dumbledore's beard- Thank you Albus. You've been such a good friend these past years. I'm very –sniff sniff- I'm a very emotional person. You'd think it was because of PMS, but I'm not a woman, so that can't be it.

**PAT**: Hermione, Harry, spin the wheel.

**HARRY**: -Spins wheel-

(Wheel is about to stop at 'Bankrupt')

**HERMIONE**: NO! Come on, not bankrupt! –Starts hyperventilating-

(Goes past bankrupt onto the '(?) $1000' thing)

**HERMIONE**: Oh, my!

**PAT**: Give me a letter.

**HARRY**: Umm, er—N! –starts breathing heavily-

**PAT**: One N! Now there could be ten thousand dollars under there, or a bankrupt, blah blah blah, you know what to do.

**HARRY**: -Picks it up. It's a 'Bankrupt'- NOOOOOO! MY LIFE HAS COME TO AN END. So depressed… maybe I should kill myself –pokes himself in the eyes with his finger- OWWWW! Blinded!

**VOLDEMORT**: Dang, now I'll never be able to have slumber parties with Harry and we won't be able to _read_ Cosmo together and paint each other's nails and do each other's make-up and braid each other's hair. –Bawls out- He's blinded! What am I to do when Harry's gotten blinded? –looks down at floor and sees a toothbrush- OOH! I LOVE CREST TOOTHBRUSHES THEY'RE SO SOFT AND MUSHY AT THE HANDLES! –Picks up toothbrush, takes a tube of toothpaste from his robe, squirts some onto the toothbrush, and starts brushing-

(Suddenly Captain Jack Sparrow comes out from the curtains)

**JACK**: Is this The Price is Right?

**PAT**: Er- no.

**JACK**: Well, then sorry to bother you. –realizes camera is pointing to him- Oh, hello, Barbossa, Elizabeth, Turner, Commodore, good day to you. –spots Barbossa in audience- BARBOSSA I THOUGHT I KILLE DYOU! –Runs towards Barbossa the Captain Jack Sparrow way and slaps him with a piece of meat- TAKE THAT!

**PAT**: Whoa, a pirate! –Pat just realizes he is dressed weirdly-

**JACK**: Why you little! –manages to kill Barbossa- Steak, savvy? –offers steak to Pedigrew-

**PETER**: You're handsome. I like you. –flips back his two inches of hair as a girl would-

**ANNOUNCER**: -snore…-

(Some random person is heard whispering to him)

**ANNOUNCER**: I DIDN'T DO IT! IT WASN'T ME! Oh, yes. And thank you for watching Family Feud, join us next time!

(Random person whispers to him again)

**ANNOUNCER**: I mean, heh heh heh, Wheel of Future! Join us next time.

**SIR CADOGAN**: -hanging from wall- PIRATE! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL! FIGHT, YOU MANGY CUR! STAND AND FIGHT!

_(Meanwhile Harry and Lord Voldemort are still agonizing over Harry's eyes, which were now rolling around the floor as a result of Harry poking too hard, and Lord Voldemort trying to catch the eyes)_

_(Fred and George set stink bombs in Pat's pants, which the stink were now taking effect, and Hermione and Ginny Weasley were sharing tips on how to breed dolphins.)_

**THE END**

_Sorry. I have way too much energy. I shall go let it out by- er- no I've already jogged today... DOING JUMPING JACKS!  
Bye now!_


End file.
